Happiness should never depend on someone but it sure feels nice when someone says, “you make me happy.”

Happiness can come in different shapes and forms. It can come on a day when you have a fantastic day at work.

Happiness can show up when you are completely disconnected and content when silence.

Happiness could mean watching your child laugh like crazy at something you did.

It can sneak up when you least expected. It can grab you, shake you and remind you how wonderful the feeling really is.

Happiness can sit by your side without you even realizing.

Happiness can bring to light everything you have been longing for.

Happiness can make you appreciate all the moment’s life brings you.

Happiness has the power to lifts you up like unlike nothing else.

Happiness fills the voids and all your empty corners.

Happiness is a natural high you can get addicted to.

Happiness may feel strange and even scary at first but once you get over it is quite amazing

Happiness makes you smile during random moments

Happiness makes you stop and makes you feel

Happiness happens when your heart allows it

Happiness happens when the unexpected takes over

Happiness knows no limits, no boundaries, and no fear

Happiness can be any moment in your life

Any 5 minutes when you allowed yourself to feel it, touch it, smell it

Happiness can be sitting in a room surrounded by friends

Happines is when you neice kisses and hugs you

Happiness can look like the silence in your bedroom right after you take a bath

Happiness can be a soft kiss on your forehead

Happiness can be ice cream

Happiness can be dancing the night away

Happiness can be accomplishing something impossible

Happiness can be simply lying in bed with your loved one

Happiness can be making love to someone you adore

Happiness can be listening to someone say, “I miss you.”

Happiness is feeling someone loves you by simply looking into his or her eyes

Happiness will embrace you, caress you and surprise you

 Happiness doesn’t have a timeframe or a deadline

It could last a lifetime or just a few seconds

Happiness it’s what you make of it

What you want it to be

It feels nice

gives you hope

It is Moments in life you must learn to how recognize, appreciate and live as if they were the last.

Happiness can be found within you

It is with those you love

It is with the things you love to do

It is with what makes you passionate

With what makes you tick

What makes you just live

Smile

And love 

Be happy and enjoy every single moment!

What can you do for me? She asked me and I had to ask myself the same question.   She had been raped a few hours before by one of her John’s. She has worked the streets since her teen years.

what could I do for her?

who was I to sit there and say anything to this young woman? I had no clue what she has gone through in life, her circumstances, or her story. All I could do was sit and listen.  That is all I could offer in that moment. She said that being able to talk about it freely made her feel a little better. On the other hand, she did so much more for me. She allowed me to listen, took me out of my bubble and gave me a peak into her world.

She began to tell me a fraction of her story… “He raped me raw and I just wonder, why me?”

What could I say to that? I’ve never felt so inadequate and helpless.  I felt powerless because what my agency or I could offer may not be enough.

“It is not that easy,” she said.

About 80% of women in prostitution have been victims of rape yet one of the questions asked when I shared this story was, “can prostitutes be raped?”

The question didn’t surprise me but it re-affirmed the lack of understanding of rape in our society.

When a woman says “no,” it means no – it doesn’t matter if she prostitutes or not. One out of every six American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime. In comparison, prostituted women are raped, on the average, eight to ten times per year.

Prostitution happens all around. It is happening in our streets, in our neighborhoods. Girls, boys, women and men are being prostituted in our backyards. We do not try to understand the circumstances, what brought them to that point, or how they were recruited. Instead, we judge, we question, we doubt and dismiss them. We say things like, she wants to be a prostitute or Why doesn’t she just get out?

Do we really think these young girls and boys wake up one day and say, “I want to sale my body for money.”

This doesn’t just happen. There is a process that leads someone to the streets.

Most kids who end up on the streets have suffered some type of abuse or neglect from home, or foster home. Many are runaways and this helps set them up.

Most are seduced by pimps who offer them a “better life.” Pimps look for children with low self-esteem, in need of attention, and those who seek love.  The pimp will offer everything the child is lacking.  The pimp becomes the boyfriend, will get her to fall in love and convince her to work the streets.

I can only imagine what the young woman’s life I met at the hospital must be like. I have no clue how she feels or what she has experienced in her short life.  I wonder what happened to her.  I think of my niece and nephews.  That young woman is someone’s daughter, someone’s niece, someone’s sister and granddaughter. I wonder when and how everything change for her.  I will never know but can only hope things will one day change for her and for all the others who are on the streets. I thank her for allowing to be there and for sharing a piece of her life with me- a complete stranger. She took me out my bubble and reminded me that there’s so much more I need to learn.

I encourage you to learn more about this issue. The following is an excellent documentary where I got a lot of the information posted on this column.  It is by the anti-sex trafficking organization Shared Hope International. It brings awareness about the demand factors for sex trafficking, one of the most significant of which is pornography. It also addresses how all forms of commercial sexual exploitation such as pornography; stripping and prostitution are connected to all other forms such as sex trafficking and sex slavery.  

45 minutes worth watching. 

If you rather read, here’s an excellent article

The Growing Demand for Prostitution

with my boo- Omar!

“are you guys dating? you guys would make such a cute couple!”

It seems I hear this more often than I care for in reference to some of my male friendships. The assumption: There must be something going on!

Why is it so difficult to believe a man and a woman can be just friends? Why do we tend to assume that if they spend a lot of time together there must be something going on?

Fernandito, Cristina y el negro

Do not assume!

My friendships with males ve been victims of these types of assumptions since I was in college. I’ve always had great relationships with males- yes believe or not without the romance or sex. I didn’t believe this was possible for a long time but some really awesome friends proved me wrong. Some of my most cherished friendships are those I have with males. I think this all started when all my girlfriends in college graduated a semester before I did.  A group of boys became my hang out buddies.

I used to work out and take Mass Comm. classes with Christian. Angelito thought me how to parallel park and became my go to when I just needed to talk. Edgardo and I pick up right where we left off every time he visits from France. I love chats over dinner with Fernandito.   And I have so much fun every time I dance salsa, bachata and merengue with all of them! Those boys became my companions during that last semester and there was never one instant where I felt uncomfortable with any of them. They all took care of me. And once in a while they would crash my apartment when they were hungry! It was great because I was able to talk them freely about different topics without them freaking out or shocking them. It was always great to get their male perspective and understand their way of thinking.

Last year when I took a trip to San Francisco I told friends I was going to spend time with my friend Carlitos and one of the first questions always was, “oh, is this someone you are interested in?” Most of the time I could care less but after a while it gets old and a bit annoying.

There will times when feelings get on the way of friendship. What happens then? A friend says one person will always want more but will suppress their feelings. This can definitely happen and things may get complicated if you do not have a conversation about it.  One of the things we fail to do in relationships, romantic or friendships, is to set boundaries.  If feelings are mutual, be ready to make a decision. You must decide whether or not the risk is worth taking and always think of the possible outcomes. Crossing boundaries changes everything and friendships may be lost along the way.

con Julio

Having a friendly relationship with males it may not always be easy but it’s not impossible. Unfortunately, we live in a society where any type of relationship between a man and a woman will be questioned and may become a topic of discussion especially if you spend “too much” time with one guy friend.

Rafa and Ale

The most recent male friendship that gets questioned is the one I have with Alejandro. I met Ale during an event and we have been great friends ever since. Yes, we spend a lot of time together, have fun and if i just need to release stress I know both Ale and Rafa will be there with a fun idea. 

I have boy friends and lots of them. I love them dearly, I kiss them on the cheek, hug them tight when I haven’t seen them in a long while and love to use terms of endearment such as, mi cielo, mi amor and my boo.  I confide in them, hitch hike across 3 states, hang out, work out, skydive, run marathons, drink beer, take pictures, do photo shoots, take road trips, look for Zombies, dance, and so much more. Not everything has to be about romance, or sex. It can really be just a nice friendship.

Cheers to friendships, with males or females!

English

¿Cuando fue la ultima vez que hiciste alguna locura que te excite y haga que tu adrenalina suba?  algo que te haga sentir como si fueras un joven de secundaria, algo que te hada sentir vivo, feliz y lleno de energías. 

¿Cuando fue la ultima vez que hiciste algo sin planearlo ni esperarlo? Y no te importo el lugar, ni la hora simplemente ese momento… ese instante

¿Cuando fue la ultima vez que llenaste a tu amado de besos al verlo y quisiste desnudarlo al solo verlo? Al solo tocarlo… al solo olerlo.

¿Cuando fue la ultima vez que lo hiciste? Y te valió madres todo a tu alrededor y le hiciste el amor como si fuera la primera vez. ¿Te acuerdas? ¿Cuando?

¿Cuando fue la ultima que le propusiste una locura a tu pareja que los hizo revivir como eran las cosas antes? 

La vida no es una promesa de toda la vida ni algo eterno. Los momentos que llegan sin planearlos, ni esperarlos tienden a ser los mejores del mundo, los mas ricos y excitantes. Nunca dejes que esos momentos te pasen sin siquiera tocarlos, sin sentirnos y aprovecharlos. Estos momentos son los que hacen la vida mas interesante, hacen que las relaciones duren, nos hacen sentir joven, aventureros y sumamente felices. Estos momentos suelen a llevar riesgos lo cual los hacen maravillosamente deliciosos. Estos son momentos que la vida nos regala para despertarnos y recordarnos que somos seres humanos que vibramos y sentimos. 

Y no solo hablo de sexo ni del amor, hablo de cualquier momento que nos haga sentir emociones diferentes o tal vez nos hacen sentir un poquito de aventura.

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Puede ser la noche que decides con tus amigos ir en búsqueda Zombies

Puede ser el momento cuando te avientas de una avión

Que tu amigo corra por millas contigo en tu primera Marathon

El momento cuando cantas con tu sobrinita de 3 años

Ver la cara de felicidad y sentir orgullo cuando tu prima se gradúa

Un desayuno delicioso en silencio y a solas

momentos de conexión con tu madre en el coche

momentos con tu abuela en su cama cuando le dices lo mucho que la adoras

momento cuando le haces el amor a tu amada en la parte trasera de su coche, momentos con tus hijos en el sofá viendo una película.  

El momento que te vale y dices lo que piensas sin importarte el que dirán

El momento que un grupo de niños te rodean, abrazan y te sientes profundamente feliz

Puede ser cualquier momento, con cualquier persona y en cualquier momento.

Estos son los momentos que nos mantienen vivos, nos recuerdan que la vida es bella, impredecible y que hay riesgos que valen la pena. Disfruta estos momentos, créalos, aprovéchalos y vive como si fueran los últimos.

La vida es estos momentos, esos segundos llenos de emoción, locuras, sonrisas y energía. La vida es así, sorprendentemente bella, complicada y siempre interes

Español

When was the last time you did something crazy that really excited you and gave you an amazing adrenaline rush? Something that made you feel like a crazy teenager… Something that made you feel alive, happy and full of energy.

When was the last time you did something without planning it? A moment when you did it something and didn’t care about the place, time just that moment… that second.

When was the last time you kissed your partner as soon you saw him/her and you wanted to strip him/her naked? Just by feeling their touch, their smell.

When was the last time you actually did this? And you didn’t give a shit about your surroundings and you made love to them as if it was the very first time. Do you remember? When?

when was the last time you proposed something crazy to your partner that reminded you of how it used to be?

Life is not a promise that will last an eternity. These spontaneous moments tend to be the best in the world. These moments are the most exciting. Do not let these moments pass you by without touching, experiencing or taking advantage of every single one of them.

These are the moments that keep life interesting, make relationships last, make us feel young, adventurers, and make us very happy. Some of these moments will have risks that make everything that much more enjoyable and delicious. These are the moments that life gives us to wake us up and remind us we are humans who feel, love and take risks.

I’m not just talking about sex or love but all those moments that make us tick and make our adrenaline rise.

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It could be the day you decide to go searching for zombies with your friends

Maybe when you jump off a plane and skydived with a complete stranger

Or when your friend ran a few miles with you during your first marathon

Singing at the top of your lungs with your 3-year-old niece

The excitement and pride to see your little cousin graduate

The moment when you bonded with your mother in the car

Or when you lay in bed with your grandmother and told her how much you love her

Or that moment when you decide not to care and make passionate love in back of a truck

The moment with your children at home while you watch a movie

When you say just what’s in your mind and decide not to care what others think

It’s that beautiful moment when a group of children surround you, hug you and you realize what true happiness feels like.

It could be any moment, with anyone at any given time! 

These are the kind of moments that keep us alive and remind us how beautiful life really is, how unpredictable, and that there are risks worth taking. Enjoy these moments, take advantage of them, create them, extend them and enjoy them to the fullest as if tomorrow wouldn’t come.

Life is this moment, seconds filled with emotion, craziness, passion, laughter and energy.  This is how life is, surprisingly beautiful, complicated and always interesting if you allow it!

Leaving a child behind to search for the American Dream has to be the most difficult and painful decisions a mother would ever have to make.

For a very long time I didn’t understand why my mother left me behind in El Salvador under the care of my grandmother when I was just 2 years old. I didn’t understand why I was so far away while she had a new family with a husband and her new kids in the United States. I was with my Grandmother without my mother, father and no siblings. I didn’t quite understand that sacrifice and how difficult it must have been for her to leave her two children behind to have a better in the United States. She was having a better life without me.  I was very angry because I thought she didn’t love me the same way she love her new children.

Leaving a child in a home country to migrate to another happens very often. Families have to separate due to the lack of resources and options in their home countries. It is very sad to have to make these decisions but necessary for survival.

My mother decided to come to the United States when I was 2 years old and my brother Carlos was 11. The Civil war in El Salvador forced her as well thousands of other Salvadorenos to leave the country and find refuge in the U.S. So many others didn’t have the same luck as my mother to reach this country because they died along the way or during the War. The war in El Salvador began in early ‘80’s and ended shortly before I came to the U.S. in early 90’s.

We do not come to this country for a long vacation or to take away jobs from anyone. We come to this country to find better opportunities we wouldn’t be able to get in our countries.  It hurts like hell to leave our homes, our families, our children behind but we must do it in order to survive and provide for our loved ones.

When my mother arrived in this country she found a job, got married and had two children. Thanks to an amnesty she was able to obtain residency for my brother and I. My mother and I reunited in December of 1992.

I arrived in this country with the fantasy of a perfect family, the family I always wanted. I imagined the perfect relationship with my mother but my youth and rebel kept me from a lot of things. My mother was a stranger to me. I’ve never lived with her and didn’t have clue who she was. My mind knew she was my mother but my heart rejected the idea. During that time I felt awkward, out of place and alone. I missed my grandmother tremendously and all I wanted to do was go back home to her arms. I wasn’t home and that wasn’t my family.

The scars these separations leave behind never really go away. All those missed birthdays, graduations, and special moments are all gone. The special connection that one has with a mother is lost when 10 years of separation get on the way. Children who experience this type of detachment often feel rejected and do not understand how mom or dad could ever leave them behind. They tend to ask questions like, why didn’t you take me with you? Why did you take so long to come back for me? Why don’t you love me the same way you love your other children?

Some rebel against their parents and do everything in their power to go against them. On the other hand, there are some that will do everything they can to be the perfect kid, the perfect student so that mom and dad feel proud.

I blamed my mother for making the decision to leave me with my grandmother for a very long time. I was very angry and felt rejected. Fortunately things have changed and with time I’ve been able to let go of that anger and become my Mother’s friend.  The scars will always be there but I made a conscious decision to not allow them to control my life or the relationship I could develop with my mother. I’ve come to terms that our relationship will never be like the fantasy I had when I was a little girl. I’ve let go of that idea. Our friendship has brought us together and helped us get rid of the distance that once separated us.
Her decision to leave El Salvador to come to the United States hurt so much but also changed the course of my life and made me the person I am today. It took me a long while to understand how fortunate I am to have not one but two wonderful mothers who love me very much.

I thank my mother for making that life changing decision.

I thank her for being so strong and courageous.

I thank her for supporting each of crazy idea I come up with even if she doesn’t quite get it.
I thank her for allowing me to fly and never holding me back.

I thank her for being a powerful force in my life

I thank her for never giving up on her children and for her unconditional love

My destiny changed the day she decided to bring me to this country.

I’m also thankful to my beautiful grandmother Tota for being my second mother.

I thank her for allowing me to sleep by her side every single day after my mother left.

I thank her for all the affection and for making me feel loved.

I thank her for taking care of me when I was sick or wounded.

I thank her for protecting me when we tried to flee from the war

I thank her for being the only person who really sees my spirit as is and still sees me as her Negra (dark girl)

The American dream has its sacrifices but also amazing opportunities and blessings. My Mother’s sacrifice was not in vain and I will forever be grateful for her courage despite her pain.

This post is for my Mother Dora Sanchez and my grandmother Antonio Luisa Villalobos for being powerful, strong and the best Mothers AND fathers I could have ever wished for.

Me encanta no serlo y saber que nadie lo es, aunque traten de demostrar lo contrario.

Soy Mujer.

Bella.

Sí, dije bella, aunque suene como suene

Hay tantas veces que lo escuchamos de todo el mundo, pero cuando te lo dices a ti misma, es distinto…

Refrescante.

Verdaderamente impresionante ya que no lo hacemos lo suficiente.

Y tenemos que creerlo en el fondo del alma que sí somos bellas.

No pasa todos los días, pero cuando suceda, hay que ahogarse en ese sentir,

emborracharse con esa adrenalina que nos causa sentirnos vivas, capaces… bellas.

Es parte del crecimiento.

Es parte de la bella evolución que nos regala la vida

¿Y que hacemos con días tristes? Debemos también aprovecharlos.

Son estos días en los cuales salen sentimientos que tal vez antes no les habíamos dado importancia. De pronto lloramos y reflexionamos.

Y es bueno llorar.

Son momentos de desahogo profundo del alma, ya sean de tristeza o felicidad.

Llorar nos ejercita el alma, el corazón

Nos recuerda que somos humanos. Que sí sentimos y que sí vibramos

Respiros profundos también son importantes de vez en cuando…

Cerrar los ojos, contar hasta diez mientras respiras profundo;

te desconectas de tu locura por un instante…

Te escapas por un momento y viajas con el silencio

Con tu respiro lleno de paz

No soy perfecta ni tampoco quiero serlo

Me gusta ser como soy

Soy MADRE, HIJA, HERMANA, AMIGA, ESPOSA…

Soy complicada, difícil, inteligente, intrigante, apasionada, terca, bella, luchadora pero sobre todo  MUJER

Mujer que todos los días aprende un poco más, no sólo de ella misma, pero de todo lo que le rodea

Mujer que ama la vida y cada momento que se le permite vivir

Mujer que llora sin razón y por mil razones

Mujer llena de esperanzas al futuro, al mañana

Mujer que se aferra, vive y disfruta el hoy

Mujer con miedos, preocupaciones, dudas y curiosidades

Amorosa.

Dulce y de vez en cuanto salada pero nunca simple… siempre con sabor

Soy Bella, SOY MUJER Y NO PERFECTA… y me encanta

Lo bendigo, pero sobre todo, lo agradezco

No me mires así y dime lo que piensas

Dime lo que esa mente fabrica

Y no trates de encontrar palabras bonitas para decir lo que tienes que decir

Deja los rodeos

No te escondas detrás de excusas

Ya las he escuchado todas

¿Y que esperas para hablar?

¿qué? ¿tienes miedo a lastimarme?

No me tomes como una flor delicada que no lo soy

Antes lo fui pero ya no

Mi ser no depende de lo dirás como antes

Mi ser no te espera con ansias como antes

Anda, dilo sin pena

¿a donde quedo tu valor de hombre?

De hombre confiado

De hombre fuerte

De hombre sabe lo todo

¿Tienes miedo de que descubra lo que piensas?

¿Lo que sientes?

Te aterra que sepa todo  lo que no quieres que sepa

Te encabrona que he descubierto tu cobardía

Tu egoísmo

Tu falta de huevos

¿Te sorprende como te hablo?

¿Te sorprende que tenga razón?

¿Te sorprende lo cabrona que piensas que soy?

Yo no nací ayer cariño

No soy ingenua como antes lo fui

No soy la niña dulce que antes lloraba

Lo se

Siempre lo supe

Siempre lo sabemos

Y no te sientas importante

Tu eres una simple parada en mi camino

Una visita temporal

Y ya es tiempo de que te vayas

Y Soy muy mujer para ti

Mucha hembra

Muy cabrona

Y tu lo sabes

Y no se me acaba el mundo

No dejo de respirar

No por ti

No por nadie

The wind and the leaves remind me of the fall. Both make me think of cooler weather, hot chocolate and comfy sweaters. Its heart warming.

For one woman the wind and the leaves mean something else, something dark and unspeakable.  A moment that changed everything… A moment of humiliation and desperation.

“The wind and leaves remind me of when it happened,” she told one of advocates when she called during our sexual assault phone bank. The wind and the leaves remind her of when she was raped.

It was hard not to notice the leaves moving and feel the wind blow as we walked out of the station that night. It was ironic.

How could something so beautiful and calming remind her of something so horrible? I can only imagine how this woman feels on nights like tonight. The memory of that horrible moment can be triggered by something so simple as the wind and leaves. It is truly heart breaking.

Rape is such a horrible crime. It breaks you down, hurts and numbs.

That night many had the courage to pick up the phone and for the first time talk about what was done to them. They were able to speak up and say, “This happened to me… I was raped.”

Those nights are magical but really shake you to the core. They are magical because something amazing happens when that person decides to talk and share their story… they feel connected and are able to process some of what happened. You are shaken to the core because you realize the evil human beings are capable of. It makes you want to do everything in your power to protect the person on the other end. It makes you want to reach over the phone, hold them and tell them everything will be okay. It makes you feel like your problems are insignificant in comparison to the suffering others are feeling. Those are the nights I love the work we do even more do but also hate that it has to be done.

Sexual Violence is something that can be prevented. It is not a hereditary disease that we can get from our mothers or fathers. Sexual violence it’s a crime of choice, someone decides to do it. Someone decides to hurt and cause pain to another by choice. We shouldn’t have to tell men not to rape women. Its really not rocket science. NO is NO.

Survivors never cease to amaze me, their strength and courage is truly remarkable. I’m humbled and deeply touched when they share their stories with me. These are the stories that keep me connected to the cause. These are the lives that touch my life. This is why I want change. I believe change is possible and we can all be a part of it.

My last thought is for the survivor, her wind and leaves… “May your wind be more powerful than any bitter moment in your past. May you one day be able to feel and smell the freshness of the leaves outside and may they be reminders of new life, hope and joy”

Dejar un hijo otras para buscar el sueño americano tiene que ser una de las decisiones mas difíciles y dolorosas que una Madre tenga que tomar.

Por mucho tiempo no entendía el porque mi madre me dejo con mi abuela desde los 2 años en el Salvador. No entienda el porque yo estaba tan lejos de ella mientras ella tenia toda una familia en los Estados Unidos compuesta por un esposo y nuevos hijos. Y yo, con mi abuela lejos sin mama, papa ni hermanos. En ese entonces no comprendía su sacrificio y lo difícil que tubo que haber sido dejar a sus dos hijos atrás para buscar una mejor vida en los estados unidos.

El dejar uno o mas hijos atrás para inmigrar a otro país es algo que ocurre muchísimo. Familias tienen que separarse por falta de recursos y opciones en sus países natales. Es triste tener que recurrir hasta esos extremos pero necesario.

Mi madre decidió emigrar a Los Estados Unidos cuando yo apenas tenia 2 años y mi hermano Carlos 11. La Guerra civil en Salvador la obligo al igual que a miles de Salvadoreños a salir a buscar refugio y trabajo al otro lado. Muchísimos mas no tuvieron la misma suerte ya que mueren en el camino o murieron durante la Guerra.

No venimos a esta país de vacaciones o con intención de quitarle el trabajo a nadie. Venimos a buscar mejores oportunidades, oportunidades que tal vez nunca tendremos en nuestros países. Nos duele el alma dejar nuestros hogares, nuestros hijos, nuestra tierra pero el sacrifico para una mejor vida vale la pena para miles de familias.

Cuando mi madre llego a este país pronto encontró trabajo, se caso y tubo 2 hijos. Gracias a una amnistía consiguió su residencia y la de mi hermano y yo. Me reuní con mi madre en el ’92.

Llegue a este país con la fantasía de una familia perfecta. Una familia que siempre espere. Una relación perfecta con mi madre pero mi rebeldía y juventud me impidieron muchas cosas. Mi madre para mi era extraña, mi mente sabia que no pero mi Corazón la rechazaba. Para mi ella no me quería igual que a sus otros hijos, me sentía diferente y como muchas veces ella me decía, yo tenia complejo de inferioridad.

Las cicatrices que deja una separación de este tipo no se pueden borrar. Los cumpleaños y momentos especiales de la infancia no se pueden recuperar. La conexión que se tiene con una madre o padre cambia por completo. Los hijos muchas veces se sienten rechazados y no entienden como pudo su padre o madre dejarlos atrás. Se preguntan, “por que yo?” Dos cosas pueden pasar, ese hijo (a) se rebela en contra de sus padres y hará todo para disgustarlo o tratara de hacer todo lo que este a su alcance para recobrar la atención y cariño perdido. Será el estudiante perfecto para que sus padres se sientan orgulloso de el o ella.

Por mucho tiempo culpe a mi madre por su decisión de dejarme. Tenía mucho coraje por haberme separado de su lado. Con los años y madures mis cicatrices han sanado, todavía existen y siempre existirán pero no dejo que controlen mi relación con mi Madre. No es la relación que siempre quise y soñé pero he aceptado que nunca lo será.  Estoy contenta con la amistad que ahora tenemos y la gran distancia que una vez nos separo cada vez es menos.  La decisión que tanto me dolió es la misma que cambio el rumbo de mi vida y la razón por la cual estoy donde estoy.

Me tomo mucho tiempo entender lo afortunada que soy pues en vez de tener una madre tengo dos, mujeres maravillosas que me adoran.

Le doy gracias a mi madre por tomar la decisión tal vez mas difícil de su vida para buscar una mejor vida para sus hijos. Le doy gracias por ser una mujer luchadora y valiente. Le doy gracias por apoyar cada locura que se me ocurre aunque no la entienda. Le doy gracias por nunca querer cortarme las alas (sabiendo que seria imposible). No lo olvido ni un momento que mi destino cambio el dia que ella decidió traerme a este país.

Le doy gracias a mi Abuela adorada Tota por ser mi segunda madre. Por dejarme dormir con ella todos los días después que mi madre tubo que irse. Por darme tantos cariños cuando mi mama no estaba. Por curar mis heridas de niña arrebatada. Por todos los desvelos y regaños cuando me portaba mal. Por olvidarse de ella misma para cuidarme. Por ser mi consentida y la única que roba los cariños mas escondidos.

El sueño Americano tiene sus sacrificios pero también un sinfín de oportunidades y bendiciones. El sacrifico de mi Madre no fue en vano y por siempre le estaré agradecida por su valor a pesar de su dolor de madre.

Dedicado a mi Madre, Dora Sánchez y mi abuela Antonia Luisa Villalobos por ser mujeres decididas, fuertes y las mejores Madres.

Everyone has a favorite place where we find comfort and balance.

A coffee shop is my place of release and inspiration!

Coffee shops are wonderful and magical places for me, an escape and a way to take care of me. Some days it’s the only place that brings me peace and comfort.  It helps me find balance when things get crazy. For a long time this was the only place where I could write. The inspiration flows right out!

The smell of fresh coffee beans, the sound of the espresso machine, coffee grinder, eclectic art and the music are all-stimulating. The people can also be very interesting.

Here are some of my favorite choices in Houston!

Comfortable and Cozy

Antidote (729 Studewood) is probably one of the coziest places and has become my personal favorite. They have great coffee and tea! You will love the always interesting art and patio with funky tables.

One of my favorite things about these coffee shops (a must for me) is that they all have free wifi. Antidote and Agora have the best connection!

Go on and find your local hiding place, you may be pleasantly surprised at what you may find!

Food, music and ambiance

Some coffee shops like Café Brasil (2606 Dunlavy) my personal favorite for groups, offers great live music. Local musicians show off their music almost every night in the week. My personal favorite it’s an indie folk band that plays on Wednesday nights. They also have great food (great pizza + brunch) and the outside patio is always a draw. Brasil also has movie nights in the back patio with Domy books.

Fun

Down the street from Brasil you can find some fun entertainment at Café Agora (1712 Westheimer). On Wednesday nights you can enjoy belly dancing. This is also the loudest!

Smells and sweets

My personal favorite coffee taste and smell can be found at Catalina Coffee (2201Washington ave). Catalina features Amaya Roasting Co. coffee (locally owned) yummy coffee! Fresh pastries are also a must and funky art add to the ambiance.

“A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…” — Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

Five years today I met a soul mate that did just that and I’m thankful for him. It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon when I decided to go to my favorite coffee shop Brasil. I went to do some writing before meeting friends and across my table sat a man whose eyes captured me. As I walked out of the coffee shop he walked behind me, complimented my colorful summer dress and introduced him self (in that order). He was bold, charming, and beautiful and I liked it. The rest is life-changing history.

Shortly after I met him  and like a teen girl called my mother excited and told her, “mami acabo de conocer al hombre de mi vida.” (Mom, I just met the man of my life!!!)… She laughed!!!

The book Eat, Pray, Love helped me understand so much and opened my eyes to a whole new perspective. I never thought we could have more than one soul mate and now I know we can.

In a nutshell, is a book about a married woman who realizes how unhappy her marriage really is, and that her life needs to go in a different direction. After a painful divorce, she takes off on a round-the-world journey to “find herself”.

But this post is not about the book but soul mates that can come into our life just like he did that Sunday afternoon.

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.” Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

This soul mate pushed me to get out of my shell. He opened my eyes to a potential I didn’t understand I had. No, it wasn’t always perfect but soul mates aren’t supposed to be perfect. Soul mates will always be the same and will not change even if you try.  You have to learn how to accept their flaws and know that they may not be exactly how you want them to be. Like the first quote says, “make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life.” A soul mate will drive you crazy, will break your heart and leave you a transformed person. Many times I tried to rebel against him and his beliefs (I still do). I always wanted to be right and wanted to be loved in a certain way, my way. Now I understand, people can only love you the only way they can and as much as you want them to change that, they won’t. If they try, it will never work. Never set your expectations high.

My soul recognized him as a soul mate before I ever did. He shook my comfort, heart and soul. How do you recognize a soul mate? Your heart will tell you. The connection you have with this person will be like no other. He will sweep you off your feet and bring you back to earth when need it. This person will ground you when you are flying to high. This person will know when to stay quite, when to speak and when to just hold you. This person will recognize when you are sad and when joy takes over you heart. This person will support your journey and will know when is time to let it go.

Soul mates do not have people you fall in love with, a soul mate can be friend, a mother, father, a grandmother etc.

There will be moments you wish you never met him, you will wish things were different but always remember things always happen the way they are supposed to.

“True soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. “ Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

Your soul mate will touch your life in a magical way. A soul mates will reveal things about yourself you didn’t know. A soul mate will drive you to places of transformation, comfort and even hell. At times you will try to fight it, deny it and sometimes hate it. The walls you put up will be torn down even if you resist.

You should never try to hold on to a soul mate forever. There will be times you will have to let go. Soul mates are not meant to stay with you forever, they come, they do and then they go.

Thank your soul mate, love him, learn from him but never be afraid to let go. I had to let go of mine. You may ask, but what if I miss him? Because you will miss him. And I will answer  with my favorite quote… “So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, then drop it.”Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

From time to time I get the questions, when you are getting married? do you plan on having kids? People, don’t ask these questions to a single person because you have no clue what is going on in their lives. You have no idea if they are going through a tough break up or they are simply happy to be on their own. DO NOT feel bad for us because we choose to be single. Don’t talk to me in a poor baby tone just because I do not have a man by my side. Do not assume I am a miserable woman because I’m not in a relationship. I’ve been miserable when in a relationship.

The kids question is especially annoying to be because there can be so much going on in that person’s life. ever thought maybe just maybe, this person cannot have children? what if they just went through a miscarriage? what if i do not want to have children? oh, and just because I do no have children doesn’t mean I’m a less of a woman. Do not assume my life is better than yours just because I’m not a mother. AND don’t say things like, “you have it so good,”  or “you just don’t know.” You are right, I do not know but that’s doesn’t make you better than me and it doesn’t mean my life is so much better than yours either.

Before asking these questions out loud think about it. You have no idea what that question may spark in that person. One of those questions may trigger pain, sorrow or anger. Respect others life as they are. Marriage is not for everyone. Kids are not for everyone.

I wrote this late last year and it seem appropriate to re-post!! thanks for letting me vent

Dec. 2011

So what if I’m single?

Español 

“This family is pretty big but we still need your kids… so what are you waiting for?” These are questions my grandmother loves to ask me!

Others ask are you dating anyone? Would you like for me to introduce you to someone? I’m getting used to it but it does get old after a while especially during the holidays. Before going to any family function or holiday party it seems I have to prepare myself for that “single’s questionnaire” a woman soon to be 30 has answer.

Another popular question: How is it that a woman like you it’s alone? My response back: since when being single or alone is a problem? Apparently for some it is!  Some people see you as if there’s something wrong with you, “I mean, what are you doing wrong? You need top open yourself up more! I get the sense some feel as if it is impossible to be happy without being with someone. My reality is this; I am a happily single woman. My happiness doesn’t depend on anyone’s presence or company. I will confess that there was a time when I believed being happy depended on being in love and giving yourself completely. Yes, it is nice having someone who loves you spoils you the crap out of you and does all those nice things that tend to happen at the beginning of a relationship. This is all nice, warm and fuzzy but I do not believe that personal happiness should only depend on that.

When things happen and that picture perfect relationship changes you will feel as if the world is crashing down and death feels so close. I know, so dramatic, tragic and romantic but that’s how it happens, doesn’t it? I say this because I have been there.

Heartbreak will always hurt like hell but the key is not to let it destroy us. I’ve learned to be happy with myself, enjoy solitude and strengthen my independence.

Being single doesn’t have to be something painful or depressing. There are times we try to move fast and find someone else to fill the void the last person left before really taking time to find ourselves and enjoy being alone.

Reaching the 30s for some women means a race against time. The biological clock starts ticking and that’s when some settle for less.

As far as I’m concern, the biological clock can continue its pace but I refuse to allow it to pressure me to make rushed decisions.

I’ve been asked more than once, “When are you having children? Don’t you think its time? Before asking these types of questions please lets be considerate of the person and their personal reasons. What if I’m not able to conceive? What if I’m trying but haven’t been able to get pregnant? Or what if, I rather not have children? This doesn’t make me any less, or does it? Of course not but unfortunately many see it that way. I’m bothered when the lifestyle of a single person is minimized or is not valued equally just because they are “child-less”! I love how Yahoo blogger Jillian Mackenzie’s puts it  “During a recent brief terrorism scare in New York City, a friend said to me, “I have to get out — I can’t die; I’m a mom.” We know you have someone depending on you in an unprecedented way, but there are people who love and depend on us, too.”

A while back I decided to not given in to societal pressures of what a woman my age should be doing. Doing something because you feel pressured will not make you happy and at this point in my life my focus is not getting married of having children. This doesn’t mean I do not believe in love or that I do not want children. I would love to, being a mother is one of the things in life I really do look forward to but while this happens I will do everything I can to enjoy my life just as is. My end of the year wish to my single friends: don’t be afraid of single life. Enjoy it. Appreciate it. Explore it!

When it comes it comes- unexpectedly!

Soltera… ¿y que?

“Esta familia es grande solo faltan tus hijos… que estas esperando?” Es una pregunta que mi abuela Tota me suele hacer. Dice que si no me voy a volver macha!

¿Estas saliendo con alguien? ¿Quieres que te presente a alguien? Este es el tipo de preguntas que me hacen frecuentemente pero sobre todo durante las temporadas de fiestas de navidad y fin de año. No tengo ningún problema en ir sin que nadie me acompañe pero tengo que ir preparada para la sesión de preguntas de una soltera, próxima a cumplir los 30, aparentemente tiene que enfrentar no solo por parte de su familia sin también de la sociedad.

¿Cómo es que una mujer como tú está sola? suele ser la pregunta que sigue.

Y la mía es: ¿Desde cuándo estar sola es un problema? Aparentemente para muchos sí lo es. Te ven como si algo malo pasara contigo, o como si fuera imposible ser feliz por el simple hecho de estar sin pareja.

La realidad es ésta: soy una mujer felizmente soltera. Mi felicidad no depende de la compañía de nadie.

Confieso que hubo un tiempo en que sí pensé que ser feliz dependía de enamorarse y entregarse completamente. Sí, es muy bonito tener a alguien que te quiera, mime y todas estas cosas lindas que suelen suceder en los primeros meses de una relación pero no creo que la felicidad personal deba depender sólo de eso.

Cuando por cosas del destino esa relación color de rosa cambie pensarás que el mundo se te viene encima y te sientes morir. Lo digo por experiencia propia.

Los males de amor siempre van a doler pero la clave es no dejar que nos destruyan. Ahora he aprendido a ser feliz conmigo misma y a fortalecer mi independencia.

La soltería no tiene que ser algo doloroso ni deprimente. Muchas veces nos apresuramos a buscar a alguien que llene el vacío que la última persona dejó sin antes tomar tiempo para reencontrarnos con nosotros mismos y disfrutar plenamente de lo que es ser soltero.

He conocido mujeres para las que llegar a los 30 significa una carrera contra el tiempo. El bendito reloj biológico hace de las suyas y es cuando muchas se conforman con menos.

Por mí, que el reloj siga su ritmo pero me niego a permitirle que me presione a tomar decisiones apresuradas.

Más de una vez me han preguntado ¿Cuándo tendrás hijos? ¿No crees que ya es tiempo?

Antes de hacer este tipo de preguntas por favor consideremos a la persona y sus posibles razones.

¿Qué tal si no puedo tener hijos? O simplemente prefiero no tenerlos. Esto no me hace menos, ¿O sí? ¡Claro que no! Desafortunadamente muchos no lo ven así. Me molesta cuando se minimiza el estilo de vida de un soltero o no se le da la misma importancia a su vida por el simple hecho de no tener hijos.

Me niego a caer en la presión de lo que la sociedad piensa o cree que una mujer de mi edad debe de estar haciendo. A la fuerza nada funciona, y en esta etapa de mi vida mi enfoque no está en casarme o tener hijos. Esto no significa que no crea en el amor ni mucho menos que no quiera hijos. Me encantaría. Pero mientras esto no suceda haré todo lo que esté a mi alcance para disfrutar de mi vida tal y como es.

Mi deseo de fin de año para mis amigos solteros: no tengan miedo a la soltería, disfrútenla, aprécienla, explórenla.

Son estas cosas tuyas cariño mío… que me encantan

Tan tuyas

No mías

Y estoy en un rincón imprudente

En silencio

En secreto

Te pienso y te respiro

Te imagino y te toco

Te quiero y te abrazo

Te deseo y no te tengo

Son estas cosas tuyas mi bien que no puedo cambiar

Que el sol nunca esconde

Y la luna solo anhela

Instantes estampados en esquinas

En nubes

En gotas

Y miento

A mi ser

A mi Corazón

Son estas cosas tan tuyas mi cielo y no mías que son tan imposibles

Tan prohibidas

Torturantes

Y eres tu con esa sonrisa

Con ese carisma

Con ese tu ser que me atrapa

Me levanta

Me invade

Y a luego me deja allí

Son esta cosas tan tuyas y no mías mi bien que me duelen

Me ahogan

Me inquietan

Me hieren

Me recuerdan que tu no estas aunque quieras estarlo

Es la moral perdida en los pasillos de la pasión

Es el descaro que se apodera del respeto

Es el miedo al corazón, sus arrebatos e imprudencias

Es el sentir profundo que se apodera de la lógica

Es extrañar con el alma y el cuerpo

Es querer amar sin condiciones

Es la impotencia de no poder cambiar la realidad

Es perder en un instante y para siempre

Es todo lo que se hace, se siente, se piensa, se quiere pero nunca se dice

Son estas cosas tan tuyas mi ser… tan tuyas pero nunca serán mías

Lo ultimo para La Voz

English 

Dicen que las demostraciones de amor entre dos y en privado significan mucho mas que un show frente a todo el mundo.

El dia de San Valentín es uno de esos shows inculcados y comercializados. Rosas rojas, corazones, cupidos, ositos de peluche, son algunos de los símbolos que nos avisan que ya viene.

Mi novio de hace años me preparo una sorpresa para la ocasión. Cocino una cena muy rica, compro flores y todo lo demás que el hombre cree que debe hacer en ese dia. Al dia siguiente trato de evitar mis llamadas y lo sentí raro. Cuando por fin hable con el confeso que se sentía incomodo y que no quería que yo mal interpretara las cosas. Me dijo que lo que hico tal vez fue demasiado para nuestra relación.  El no estaba listo para una relación tan seria y se dio cuenta que lo que acababa de hacer tal vez me decía lo contrario.

En es momento me di cuenta que lo que hizo fue solo porque era San Valentín y de cierta forma se sintió presionado hacer algo para la ocasión. No porque fuera lo que quería si no porque lo establecido dice que eso es lo que debía hacer.

Me pregunto: ¿cuantos hombres y mujeres se sienten de esa forma? De alguna manera permitimos que la sociedad nos programe la agenda del año y nos diga cuando debemos de celebrar nuestros seres queridos.

Estoy segura que a la mayoría de hombres no les interesa el dia de San Valentin pero nunca se los dirán a sus parejas ni mucho menos se atreverían a no honrar el dia. Y hay mujeres que dicen que no les importan las flores ni los chocolates pero sin embargo esperan algo ese dia. Muchos compraran el ramo de flores mas caro, se inventaran la idea mas creativa y cursi del mundo para impresionar a su pareja y claro que al final de la noche querrán su recompensa.  Ella se pondra la lencería mas sexy, cocinara la cena mas rica y comprara la tarjeta mas cursi que el odiara. Es lo que debemos hacer, ¿no? 

Celebrar el romance y el amor es algo muy bonito pero no debe de depender en comprar o hacer ciertas cosas.  Por décadas el dia de San Valentín ha sido comercializado por la sociedad, medios y corporaciones.

Nos dicen lo que debemos comprar, el tipo de chocolate que debemos escoger, el color de rosas que debemos regalar y la experiencia romántica perfecta que debemos planear.

Uno de los mensajes: Tu amor se mide por lo que compras.

En ocasiones sirve como un recordatorio de la imperfección de nuestra situación romántica o de la tragedia que muchos llaman soltería. Hay películas que muestran a mujeres solteras en la noche de san Valentín cubiertas por una manta en el sofá, comiendo helado, mirando películas románticas y llorando cada vez que ven un comercial que muestra la pareja perfecta.

Esto es patético. Nos muestran como seres inconsolables por el simple hecho de no tener un hombre al lado. No es ni debe de ser así.

No estoy en contra de San Valentín pero me niego a que me digan como y cuando debo de celebrar  a la persona que amo. El amor ya sea por amigos, familiares o parejas se debe demostrar de diferentes maneras y no solo en un dia del año.

El amor es mucho mas que un ramo de rosas o una caja de chocolates. El amor son las cosas simples que hacemos todos los días por el ser amado, el abrazo que nuestra amiga necesita, las palabras de apoyo a un ser querido, el beso en la frente que le damos a nuestros hijos, los gestos graciosos que compartimos con nuestro mejor amigo, las caricias inesperadas y todas esas cositas que no hacen sentir especial, y queridos.

El amor es entender que no siempre estamos en lo correcto y aceptar a los  demas como son. El amor se siente, se toca, se respira pero nunca se compra. El amor no debe de ser complicado ni mucho menos doloroso. El amor verdadero no se compra ni es un intercambio. El amor no debe de ser como una transacción de negocios o un requisito. El amor no es forzado.

Comparte tu amor libremente sin presiones con tu pareja, tu familia, tus amigos,  tu comunidad y celebremos el dia de San Valentín todos los días!

“A woman is like an iron, it takes a while to get her hot but once she gets hot she’s hot.” This is what my friend answered when I asked him what it takes to give a woman an orgasm.

A female friend’s said it a little differently, “ It takes multi-level foreplay. It begins with romance talk, dirty talk, and erotic talk. It moves on to physical foreplay. For a woman it is a multi sensory experience- sound, taste, touch… you have to hit it at every level. He has to be patient!”

I couldn’t agree more!  Foreplay doesn’t have to begin face to face. Foreplay may begin at a distance through a text message, a voicemail, a call or a photo. The senses can be aroused in many different ways.  This is when the oven begins to get warm!

Image by: sivers.org

Arousing all the senses…

Arousal through sight

She will wear something nice and sexy to arouse your sight. Unfortunately, most men will not pay attention to what she wears. In the heat of the moment their attention will not be on the color or the nice lace

There are exceptions of men who will pay attention and have learned (the hard way) what women like. I posted the following question on facebook, “gentlemen do you notice when your partner wears sexy undergarments?”  For the most part, older men said yes.  One said, “I always do. I think that it’s all part of the process of arousal. I believe a woman enjoys the process of dressing sensually not only for herself, but for her man also. As for me, unwrapping the most precious… Well, nothing more need be said.

Younger men responded a little different, “Hell no I don’t notice. It’s more for women. I prefer they don’t wear any.  I think if u asked a guy the day after 9 out 10 times he wouldn’t be able to even tell you the color much less the design.”

Here’s the deal, if a woman took the time and effort to pick something sexy she wants her partner to notice! She is not wearing it just for her own sake! This is her way to open the door to foreplay, and seduction. She wants her partner to admire it, play with it and slowly take it off (preferably using the mouth)

We do understand there will be exceptions when there is no time, and spontaneity takes over. In that last minute, heat of the moment, lets do it here moment she will want you to just go for it!

The most difficult part for men is to distinguish between these two moments. Ladies, here’s when you take over the wheel and show him the way.  You know he will never ask you for directions but he will learn to appreciate when you direct him in a sensual way and show him what you like.

I’m sure this has sparked many arguments among couples. She gets upset because he didn’t take the time or effort. He is confused because he has no clue what the heck is going on. Some men need direction and I mean more than just a look. Show him!

Arousal through touch

Learn how your partner likes to be touched. Learn what makes them tremble. Learn what buttons turns them on. 

A woman’s body is very complex compared to the male body. Reaching climax for some women takes more work and more time. This is why foreplay is so important for a woman but not all men will take their time or be patient! The worst a man can do is reach climax and completely forget about her. Foreplay can help the process for her!

Gentlemen, touching a woman’s body can be an adventure and thoroughly arousing for a male. Learn how to use the tip of your fingers, lips, tongue, and explore her body in ways no one ever has. 

Arousal through hearing

Erotic talk, moans, music and all other sounds can really turn up the heat. Some prefer romantic talk others like to listen. Find out what your partner likes!

One thing a woman will always appreciate is a man who makes her feel as if she is the most beautiful woman in the world. She will appreciate one who vocalizes it. Some women struggle reaching climax because they are not 100% comfortable with their partner. If she feels deeply connected and completely comfortable with him she will put down the walls and will let her self go. A man who makes a woman feel like a Goddess will see and feel the difference. Try it!

Arousal through taste and smell

Don’t be afraid to taste your partner or allow them to taste you. I’m not just talking about oral sex! Yes, that’s all great and all but that’s not the only way to taste your partner. Learn different ways to kiss them. Kiss them in new areas every time you are intimate. Take your time and let them know how amazing they taste. Learn how to seduce them- foreplay can begin with a simple text message you get in the office, “honey I cannot wait to taste you.” THAT sets the tone and builds anticipation.

Smell them. Take your time to take in their scent. Rub your nose all over their body and seduce them with your breath. This can help set them mood for what’s coming next.

Making love, having sex or whatever you call it can be fun and an adventure every time. Make your partner want you so bad they cannot get their hands off you the minute they see you. This is not something that can just happen the minute you see them. Play with them. Tease them.

Romance can look very different for males and females. Be open to your partner’s idea of romance. For some women the idea of romance means a walk on the beach holding hands, for a male may mean doing it on the beach. Don’t be afraid to ask what romance means to them. I promise this will save you a few arguments!

More about female orgasms…

A woman can thoroughly enjoy sex with her partner but that doesn’t mean she will reach climax every time. Great orgasms are scarce for most women. They are not that easy for us! This is why some women turn to masturbation. For them this may be the only way they can have a real orgasm. Why? Because she knows exactly where her point is and knows exactly what it takes to get there.

Gentlemen, if you don’t take your time or care if she has an orgasm she will fake it. There’s a moment while in the act when she will realize there’s no way she will reach climax, gives up and fakes it. Most men will never know she faked it.

Ladies, this doesn’t help men. This creates a false sense of security. He will think he is doing everything right. She will never tell him otherwise! Ladies, you are not doing him or you any favors. It is only fair you get your piece of the pie as well!

Gentlemen, be creative, provocative and adventurous. You have to find her center. You have to learn where that is and what it takes to turn it on. Once you find it learn how to touch it, and a little more.  Learn what it takes to seduce it and I promise this will help her have a real orgasm. How do you know if she has one? Look, feel and touch!!! A woman may fake it but her body won’t!

Be creative by trying different positions, different places in and outside of the home. Try new techniques.  Another way to keep it interesting is bringing toys to the bedroom! If you don’t have a clue, do your research! 

Couples have to do a joint effort to keep the fire alive and not be afraid to try new things as long as you are comfortable.

We have to learn how to take our time, pay close attention to what your partner enjoys, learn their body and the way it reacts when you do certain things. Stop thinking you know everything because you really don’t.  

Sex is wonderful put it is up to us to keep it interesting and exciting.

 P.S. If you would like to learn a lot more about a woman’s body and her center Ms. Vagina rent the Vagina Monologues!! This will give you a good idea of how a woman’s body works, what she likes and doesn’t like! 

Other posts you may enjoy-

Faking the O

Embracing Sexuality, peaks and toys

Can it ever be just sex?

ideachampions.com

The email has been sent and it is now official. HR sent a message to staff today announcing that beginning March first Frida Villalobos becomes the manager of Communications for the Houston Area Women’s Center. Writing the last part of this sentence felt surreal.  It seems as if it was yesterday I was hired as the Communications specialist!! I’ve known about this for more than a week but it hasn’t quite settled in yet especially because Kelly just left.

I must confess I’m still waiting for the excitement to arrive. I know it is great, I get it but the speed in which my world is moving is a bit faster than normal. I love speed but I like to be in control of it. I guess I’m rebelling against the fact that life decided to make speed up change for me.  I felt change in the air back in the December when a Global PR agency took me by surprise and offered me a job. It forced me to evaluate where I was in my career.  Earlier this month I was offered a second position at another agency and this one really shook up things a bit. I turned down both positions.

Change is never quiet, loves to make an entrance and this is certainly not the exception.  

I came to San Antonio for the Texas Association Against Sexual Assault searching for more than just new training and tools. I came to get inspiration and motivation from one woman- Cassandra Thomas. I’m thrilled to report she did not disappoint. This woman’s keynote speech is exactly what I was waiting for- it was raw, angry and powerful. Cassandra was introduced as a national treasure in the movement of sexual assault and now I understand why. She captures you; makes you want to get off your ass and do something.  She talked about the history of the movement and where we are now. Cassandra is one of those women who can sale you a pencil and make you want to pay her extra for it. She woke us up and challenged everyone in the room to re-evaluate their role in the movement.

I decided to stay at the Women’s Center because of this movement. I could have said yes to that first position which would have drastically changed the monthly balance in my bank account but unfortunately had no substance to offer. The second position had a lot of substance but it didn’t feel right. I’ve learned how to follow my heart when it comes to my profession. I’ve learned that if I’m not happy doing what I do every day it may not be worth it.  I made that mistake once.

This change brings many challenges but also the opportunity to learn and grow. Two weeks ago this would have never crossed my mind but that’s how change is. Change will take us by surprise and we must learn how to embrace it. I’m learning. Change will make us re-evaluate where we are, where we want to go and what it takes to get there. This is where I am and although it is a scary process it’s also empowering.

I’m no Kelly but will use everything I learned under her wing to become the best I can be. I am excited to see how this evolves… wish me luck!

Last night I watched a re-run of Greys Anatomy and the following quote by Miranda Bailey inspired this post, “I’m busy holding myself together with tape and glue… you are too much for me right now because I am busy with the tape and the glue.”

I loved it and understood what she meant. Sometimes in life we are too busy putting our selves back together with tape and glue we refuse to stop to see what is around us.

Damaged. We are left so damaged we are scare to death to try again. Damaged over a break up, the loss of a loved one, or something we love. We are left damaged.

We feel broken into pieces and unable to pick them up, unable to put anything back together, unable to care for what is next. We are left hopeless for any possibilities of goodness. We think everything is gone and ruined. We feel so lost, so alone, so empty, almost dead.

And we cry. We cry in silence. We cry out loud when we are alone. We cry in corners, in bathrooms, in our closed offices, in our secret places, in our sleep and when we are wide awake. We cry because we need it, because we do not what else to do, and because there is nothing else to do. We cry because we need to feel human, alive and because we are vulnerable

Tape and glue. We pretend tape and glue fixes everything, holds everything together and will make things okay. But it doesn’t. It never does. We try tirelessly but tape and glue will never be enough for one damaged heart.

Do not depend on tape and glue to take away your scars. Do not depend on others to fix you. It never works. And if it does it will only be temporary. Tape and glue is only temporary.

Find strength in you to be okay, to heal, to feel, to survive and move on

The scars may stay but the pain eventually goes away… I promise you it does.

Last weekend I ran into a guy from High School who I recently connected with through Facebook. I laughed a bit when he said, “oh hey, I know you. You are that girl who posts and writes stuff about women.”

Yes, I’m that girl! I’ve never really thought of myself as “that girl” until that moment. But hell, I am and I do not have a problem being that girl.

I work in a field that allows me to not only to see the power women are capable of but also all the suffering they are able to survive. I hear about horrific acts done to women and girls. I hear about what the man they fell in love with did to them. I also hear about their strength and courage. I get to see their eyes filled with the worst pain but I also get to see their eyes when they see themselves as powerful.

I’m lucky to be surrounded by super women who have been in the movement for decades. I feel fortunate to work along the side of women who have done so much so that women like me do not have it as hard as they did. This work has exposed the true power a woman is capable of and also the innocence that prevents others from realizing it. One of those women is Cassandra Thomas. She has been in the Women’s Right movement since the late seventies. I got a chance to hear her speak last week and she pissed me off. She accomplished her goal! She wanted people in the room to get mad. Her theory, “You gotta get pissed… so pissed you want to do really want to do something.”

She talked about how the movement is at a stand still and we are not doing enough to move on. “We used to do more with less.” Women used to mobilize, march on the streets and scream loud for their rights. Today, we scream loud and we are called sluts. Yes, I live in a society where an idiot calls a woman slut for standing up and fighting for what she believes. If you are not aware, Rush Limbaugh called Georgetown Law Student Sandra Fluke a “slut” and a “prostitute” for testifying to congress on Women’s access to contraception. Fluke’s response, “ this is the kind of language that is used to silence women, especially women who stand up and say that these reproductive health care needs and this is what they need. “

I’m at awe at the discussion we are having about women’s rights. I’m sorry but who are you to tell me what to do with my body? Who are you to decide my contraceptive rights? Are we really having these conversations in 2012? Sadly we are!

This pisses me off but unfortunately this will not change unless we stand up and fight, like we used to, for what is rightly our choice. Cassandra is right, unless we are pissed off about something we will not have motivation to do anything about it. Don’t you hate when you get bad service at a restaurant? Or how about when the phone company charges you extra fees? Or what if someone hurts your child? What do you do? Do you stay quiet or say something? You speak up, don’t you? You get pissed and want something done about it.

I do not want my daughter to grow up in a society where she is criticized for being independent, having a career, and having a voice.

I want her to speak up and have a choice.

So I say to politicians on this International Women’s Day, stay the fuck out of my uterus. Keep your dirty hands off my body, my choices and my life.

Honor the women in your life and tell them how wonderful they are on Women’s Day and any other day you feel like it. Please also speak up for the young women in your life, become an active voice in our society. We can no longer be categorized as the “weak sex” or vulnerable beings. We can be so much stronger the any man and we know it. We must recognize, own it and flaunt it.

Don’t be afraid to be “that girl”

 ¿Y qué si me gusta tener sexo? ¿Y qué tal hacerlo con más de una persona? y ¿si decido que quiero tomar anticonceptivos? ¿De quién es el cuerpo? ¿De quién es la decisión?

De acuerdo a Rush Limbaugh, esto me hace una prostituta.

El comentarista radial ultraconservador calificó así a Sandra Fluke, una estudiante de Derecho de la Universidad de Georgetown, en Washington, D.C., después de que ella declarara ante el Congreso a favor de que su seguro médico cubriera los anticonceptivos.

“Quiere que le paguen para tener sexo. Tiene tanto sexo que no puede pagar los anticonceptivos. Quiere que usted y yo, y los contribuyentes, le paguemos para tener sexo”, fueron algunas de las cosas que Limbaugh dijo en su programa hace unos días con respecto al testimonio de Fluke, que abogaba porque los seguros consideren la píldora como un producto farmacéutico que deben cubrir, al igual que hacen con otros medicamentos.

Este debate se desarrolla en un contexto mayor: el de la batalla de las instituciones católicas que pelean contra el requerimiento del presidente Barack Obama de que todos los seguros médicos cubran los anticonceptivos.

Fluke dijo: “Este tipo de lenguaje es el que históricamente ha sido utilizado para callar a las mujeres, especialmente las que se levantan y dicen que éstas son sus necesidades médicas reproductivas y es lo que necesitan”.

Por mi parte, soy una mujer que disfruta mucho el sexo y no me apena decirlo. Desafortunadamente, la sociedad en la cual vivo no ve esto como aceptable. Si hablo del tema abiertamente y digo que me gusta corro el riesgo de ser calificada como una mujer fácil, sin decencia. Pero si fuera un hombre que se acuesta con múltiples mujeres, el calificativo sería otro

Discurso obsoleto

Me molesta tener este tipo de conversaciones en el 2012. La triste realidad es que tenemos muchísimo trabajo por hacer y en vez de caminar hacia adelante, estamos haciéndolo hacia atrás.

¿Quién le da el derecho a un político de decidir cómo vivo mi vida? ¿Quiénes son ellos para decidir qué debo hacer con mi cuerpo y mi sexualidad? ¿Cómo es posible que un político tenga más poder y voz que yo para decidir qué pasa con lo que sólo es mío? Nunca lograré entender esta lógica. Y no sólo hablo de anticonceptivos, también hablo del aborto.

Regresando a la controversia de Limbaugh y Fluke, he notado que se ha hecho un gran esfuerzo por dejar en claro que ella no es una prostituta.

Mi pregunta es la siguiente, ¿y qué si lo fuera?, ¿qué tan diferente sería la reacción? Me imagino que Obama tal vez no le hubiese llamado por teléfono si en efecto fuera un mujer promiscua.

El enfoque no debe de ser la vida sexual de Fluke, sino el que le debemos ofrecer anticonceptivos a cualquier mujer sin importar su vida sexual. Sea o no sea prostituta, le guste o no tener sexo, tenga o no tenga múltiples parejas sexuales, le paguen o no le paguen por sexo tiene lo mismos derechos. Esto se trata de derechos humanos, no morales.

Tal vez si estuviéramos más dispuestos a hablar de nuestra sexualidad abiertamente estaríamos más dispuestos a pelear por nuestros derechos. Dejemos de lado las hipocresías y prejuicios y aceptemos que nos encanta el sexo. Todos lo hacemos, lo disfrutamos y no tiene nada de malo.

Vivimos en una sociedad en la cual criticamos a una mujer que expresa su sexualidad abiertamente. Eso no lo hace una dama respetable. Si me da la regalada gana yo puedo tener relaciones sexuales con quien yo quiera las veces que yo quiera y esto no me hace menos mujer ni mucho menos una mujer de la calle como muchos lo calificarían. Es mi cuerpo, es mi decisión, es mi vida.

¿Qué tal si de pronto le quitamos el derecho al hombre de usar un condón? Es una aberración imaginarlo, ¿no? El hombre no es juzgado por acostarse con múltiples mujeres. Al contrario, es lo que la sociedad espera de un hombre, ¿no? ¿Cuándo fue la ultima vez que calificamos a un hombre como “prostituto” por acostarse con varias mujeres?

Yo no quiero que mi hija crezca en una sociedad que la critica no sólo por expresar su sexualidad, sino también por ser una mujer independiente, educada y por querer tener el poder de decidir por sí misma cómo vivir su vida. No quiero que tenga miedo a expresarse en voz alta y a pelear por sus derechos.

A los políticos les digo, mantengan sus narices lejos de mi útero, mis ovarios y mi vida sexual. Son sólo míos.

A la sociedad le pido que deje de juzgarme por amar y disfrutar mi sexualidad abiertamente.

A mis maravillosas mujeres les pido que no tengan miedo de tener una voz activa en la sociedad y defiendan los derechos de la mujer como lo hacíamos antes. No podemos permitir que nos sigan calificando como el sexo débil, pues no lo somos. Somos mujeres fuertes, capaces y aportamos mucho a la sociedad. Debemos de reconocerlo, sentirnos orgullosas y no tener miedo a presumirlo. 

En la tina, se dio cuenta en la tina 

Con su cuerpo desnudo desprotegido bajo el agua

Bajo las luces que alumbraban la realidad

Aquella realidad que tanto le pesaba

Que tanto le dolía

Que tanto le temía

Y quiso sumergirse

Dejar de escuchar su lógica

Su conciencia

Su corazón que a pesar de todo sonreía por primera vez en mucho tiempo

Trato de evitar por un momento no pensar

Inventar otra realidad

Escapar de lo que tarde o temprano le llegara

Fue en la tina que sintió que todo se quebraba dentro

Que todo se apagaba

Todo oscurecía

Todo desaparecía

Y de pronto sus lagrimas corrieron y trataron de esconderse en el agua

Se evaporaron sin consuelo

Con miedo y tristeza

Y el corazón le reprocho mil veces

Y también le agradeció

Por permitirle sentir

Por dejarlo vibrar

Recordo los momentos

Momentos estampados en el tiempo

Momentos de plena felicidad

Momentos de amor incontrolable

Momentos que guarda

Momentos que adora

Momentos solo de los dos

Maravillosos

Incomparables

Fue en la tina que se dio cuenta que el amor se apodero de su corazón

Fue en la tina que nuevamente volvió a sentir, lloro y sonrío

This piece is from a conversation I had with one woman. At the end you may wonder what “it” is- I  leave that up to you to decide.

She asked how it feels. She answered,

“It feels like you cannot breathe. It feels like you are locked inside a box and cannot get out. You try and try but there is no way out. You scream, you cry, you get angry, you want to just disappear. You feel crushed, completely broken, torn into million pieces. You wish it was different. You wish it didn’t hurt as much. You wish all would go away. You wish you could be a different person, a different body, a different heart, a different soul. And then you realize it is all too real, all too painful, all too much. You want to just run away and forget it all. Run far away from here. Away from the painful reality it has become, the reality it always was. And you hate yourself for it, for doing it again, for allowing your heart to leave its corner, for allowing yourself to feel again. You hate what you did. You hate how you feel. You hate that it cannot be different. Then your hearts speaks, it cries to you, it begs you not to let go. It begs you not to put him back in the corner. It begs to let him feel. Your heart, your beautiful heart, so confused, so lonely, so crushed, so broken just wants to feel love. That’s how it feels”

What do you think “it” is?

There are moments in our lives when we miss someone so much it hurts. It hurts, it weighs and it drives us crazy. It may be a lost love, a lost loved one or a lost friend. When we miss someone we realize how much their presence means to us, how much of a difference they make in our lives and how this person makes us whole. When you miss someone it feels like you hit the wall and there is nowhere to go. We feel emptiness so deep inside of us, so strong, so painful. When we miss someone you want to do everything you can to feel their presence again even if you know it may not be the best for you. When you miss someone there’s so much confusion, hope they will be reach to your before you give in or simply a sign that they are still there.

When you miss someone you begin to think about each moment you shared. You try to relive each one and wish with all your heart you can have at least one back. When you miss someone you begin to think all the different ways this person made you happy, the ways in which they made you feel and also the way they hurt you. You question why you are not with the person in the first place, and you begin to see the imperfections that you didn’t want to see before. When you miss that person you realize how much you have changed and you begin to miss the person you used to be. 

When you miss someone you miss yourself as much as you miss them. 

There’s not a lot of things I wish I knew how it would have been if. On Saturday I had a moment as I watched a daughter danced with her father. I said to myself, “I do not know how that feels.” I was smitten by the precious moment these two were having and kept wondering how would it feel if I danced with my father just like that. It is a foreign concept I will always wonder about. I asked myself how different my life would have been IF he would have chosen to be part of it. I had the same feeling the day my great friend Cris shared her photos with her father. Her eyes lit up every time she saw one of their photos together and you could just feel the pride when she spoke of him. I do not have any photos with my Father, not one. Sometimes I wish I did, sometimes I’m glad I do not.

That kind of love it’s strange to me. I cannot say I love my father because he was never interested in being part of my life. All I can say is that I wonder how it would feel to dance just like that young woman danced with her Dad. It was really beautiful to watch them both have such a great time on the dance floor. She is Daddy’s little girl. I know this because the love and connection filled the room in that moment, at least for me, and it made me hopeful. I will never know how that feels but seeing that love makes me hopeful that my daughter will get to experience it with her father. I really hope so!

Heights Location
249 West 19th St.
Houston, TX 77008
(713) 868-2400

There are few shops I like to visit from time to time to check what’s new on the rack. My personal favorite is Buffalo Exchange in the heights because it is never too busy and they have a nice collection of dresses and blouses. I have also been able to find shoes and boots during winter. I know, you may think wearing used shoes is a bit yucky but most of the shoes you find at these shops are in excellent condition and at bargain price.

If you are into name brands, go up to the counter and check out the shoes they may have on display. You have to ask a sales associate to show them to you- those shoes will be more than 70% off regular price and in great condition. Most shoes are different from those you find at Department stores. The stores also keep name brand purses at the counter.

Westheimer Location
1618 Westheimer Rd.
Houston, TX 77006
(713) 523-8701

There are also a number of shops in the Montrose area on Westheimer near Dunlavy. On this trip you will find another Buffalo Exchange, Taxi, Leopard Lounge and Fashion Recycle. You can always find something at this Buffalo but get ready to get on line when you have to pay. The Buffalo on Westheimer also has a cool hats and accessories.

Buffalo Exchange has location all over the Country. I have been able to visit one in San Francisco, in Austin and in LA.  ALL great places to find funky clothes.

657 Westheimer Rd
Houston, TX 77006
(713) 528-5500

Taxi Taxi on Westheimer has a great selection of name brand jeans and vintage tees. What I mean by Vintage tees I mean really worn out t-shirts with cool graphics and funky colors. During the winter Taxi Taxi is a great place to find nice scarves and hats.

Fashion Recycle is the one with the bins out side always having a one-dollar sale. I’ve been able to find a few tops and skirts here. Leopard Lounge has more of the ’70 ‘s and ’80′s stuff and it is great during Halloween!

One more, not show on the photos, is the Salvation Army store on Washington. They have a little bit of everything and always very cheap. The Salvation Army on Gessner I hear has great electronics like laptops, desktops, speakers, TV and more!

A good friend also recommended the East End (Navigation/Harrisburg area) for a great location to find segundas (vintage shops). 

One of my rules when I shop is not spend more than 25 dollars on one item unless I really want it. Also, I love getting items I can use for work with a sports jacket and easily turn into a casual outfit for an after work event.

The beauty of shopping at these shops is getting items you know you cannot get at other stores. Don’t be afraid to play with color especially during spring and summer. The hot neon colors like royal blue, fuschia and oranges are really in right now. Shops always try to have items that are current with new trends and season. Get those colors you do not have in your closet. Let me know if you need anything you like at any of these shops or if you have personal favorites you may recommend! Have fun and do not be afraid to be bold, different and a bit funky!! 

Thank you for reading!!!