“are you guys dating? you guys would make such a cute couple!”
It seems I hear this more often than I care for in reference to some of my male friendships. The assumption: There must be something going on!
Why is it so difficult to believe a man and a woman can be just friends? Why do we tend to assume that if they spend a lot of time together there must be something going on?
Do not assume!
My friendships with males ve been victims of these types of assumptions since I was in college. I’ve always had great relationships with males- yes believe or not without the romance or sex. I didn’t believe this was possible for a long time but some really awesome friends proved me wrong. Some of my most cherished friendships are those I have with males. I think this all started when all my girlfriends in college graduated a semester before I did. A group of boys became my hang out buddies.
I used to work out and take Mass Comm. classes with Christian. Angelito thought me how to parallel park and became my go to when I just needed to talk. Edgardo and I pick up right where we left off every time he visits from France. I love chats over dinner with Fernandito. And I have so much fun every time I dance salsa, bachata and merengue with all of them! Those boys became my companions during that last semester and there was never one instant where I felt uncomfortable with any of them. They all took care of me. And once in a while they would crash my apartment when they were hungry! It was great because I was able to talk them freely about different topics without them freaking out or shocking them. It was always great to get their male perspective and understand their way of thinking.
Last year when I took a trip to San Francisco I told friends I was going to spend time with my friend Carlitos and one of the first questions always was, “oh, is this someone you are interested in?” Most of the time I could care less but after a while it gets old and a bit annoying.
There will times when feelings get on the way of friendship. What happens then? A friend says one person will always want more but will suppress their feelings. This can definitely happen and things may get complicated if you do not have a conversation about it. One of the things we fail to do in relationships, romantic or friendships, is to set boundaries. If feelings are mutual, be ready to make a decision. You must decide whether or not the risk is worth taking and always think of the possible outcomes. Crossing boundaries changes everything and friendships may be lost along the way.
Having a friendly relationship with males it may not always be easy but it’s not impossible. Unfortunately, we live in a society where any type of relationship between a man and a woman will be questioned and may become a topic of discussion especially if you spend “too much” time with one guy friend.
The most recent male friendship that gets questioned is the one I have with Alejandro. I met Ale during an event and we have been great friends ever since. Yes, we spend a lot of time together, have fun and if i just need to release stress I know both Ale and Rafa will be there with a fun idea.
I have boy friends and lots of them. I love them dearly, I kiss them on the cheek, hug them tight when I haven’t seen them in a long while and love to use terms of endearment such as, mi cielo, mi amor and my boo. I confide in them, hitch hike across 3 states, hang out, work out, skydive, run marathons, drink beer, take pictures, do photo shoots, take road trips, look for Zombies, dance, and so much more. Not everything has to be about romance, or sex. It can really be just a nice friendship.
Cheers to friendships, with males or females!